While going through some old files, I came across something I had written many years ago after initially awakening. The awakening itself was clear and self-evident. I had no doubts about it because the awakening was so obvious. But what I wrote later that year was very revealing. I saw how the many concepts about awakening that I had accumulated over the prior decade or so began to create questions in my mind about the authenticity of the awakening.
I wrote pages of journal entries questioning the awakening. And each question was based upon a concept about awakening that I had acquired from one or another spiritual teacher.
I spent many months doubting my awakening. I wanted to be sure I was not deluding myself. But eventually I stepped off the roller coaster of doubt because despite all my efforts to use concepts to validate awakening, I realized the futility of trying to do so.
Awakening is self-evident. Doubts arise because of concepts we still hold after awakening has occurred.
Concepts can be very confusing. After all, they are concepts, not realities. And they are always fraught with the imprecision of language and measurement. And when all is said and done, concepts go. We leave them behind, either by choice, or by the insistent action of the Divine at the stroke of each awakening.